When someone on your team is struggling — health issues, addiction recovery, inconsistency — there’s a temptation to either hold on so tight that you exhaust yourself, or pull back in a way that feels like rejection.
The healthier path is clear expectations that are communicated with care.
The concrete version: when driving someone 30 minutes to pick them up on Sunday mornings, and they’ve repeatedly not come out after the drive — the answer isn’t to keep doing it and resenting it, or to stop and feel guilty. It’s to say: “I’ll call at 6:30am. If I don’t hear back after multiple calls, I won’t make the drive. If you overslept, Lyft is there.”
That boundary:
- Protects your ability to keep showing up over time (SUSTAINABLE)
- Respects his agency — he’s an adult managing his own life
- Removes resentment from the relationship before it poisons it
- Makes the care sustainable enough to continue for years, not months
The scheduling version of this
The same principle applies to instrument scheduling. Jake prefers drums but needs a guitar player most Sundays. Scheduling him for guitar because it’s safer (piano can cover) isn’t a punitive measure — it’s honest management of real constraints. Scheduling him on drums monthly, even knowing he might miss, is the relational investment that keeps the door open.
The goal isn’t to manage around his inconsistency forever. The goal is to maintain a genuine relationship across a difficult season, with clear enough expectations on both sides that neither person feels used or abandoned.
The spiritual dimension
Supporting someone who wants to align with God’s will through a hard season isn’t just logistical. The care is itself a form of witness. But care without boundaries teaches the wrong lesson — that his inconsistency costs the people around him nothing. It does cost something. Saying so honestly is part of treating him as someone capable of growth.
Connected ideas
- mnfc-healthy-church-is-rooted-outward-sustainable-family — SUSTAINABLE value: build systems that last, not heroics that burn out
- asking-questions-earns-the-right-to-advise — earn the right to speak into his life, then speak it honestly