In Good Inside, shame is the feeling that a part of me is no longer connectable. Once a child enters that state, apology, confession, and reflection become harder because survival moves to the foreground.
That is why pressure often backfires. The child who lies, freezes, or refuses to apologize is often protecting against unbearable badness rather than plotting more rebellion.
Growth resumes when connection lowers the threat level enough for the child to stay in contact with what happened.